This morning, I had the most ridiculous dream...
Almost everyone I know, or at least talk to on a regular basis, was there. So were many other more well-known individualz. We were all in a classy-looking mountain lodge somewhere, at a reception that was part of some sort of conference. I remember vague detailz of arriving & staying with Leah, who went to a Goth Mall that just so happened to be down the street. I went exploring in the trees around the lodge, and Leah came back with amazing & lethal-looking bootz. I said I would meet her at the reception after she put her bags in our room. Then I walked down to the party.
It was very "subdued adult" in there, with people in dresses & suits. The room had big windows with high exposed rafters, a huge stone fireplace, jazzy piped-in background music, decorative antique tables, large plantz, and big comfy couches. I saw Josh across the room, drinking something that looked fancy and chatting with a lovely lady. ;) I also saw other friendz, including Matt & Amber with their new baby. They were laughing & introducing the little one to new people. And then I saw Stephen Colbert in another part of the room, talking animatedly to a small group, and looking slightly more than tipsy.
In this ridiculous, yet seemingly normal scenario, the next person I see iz John Oliver. He looks simultaneously overjoyed & terrified... even moreso than usual. He tells me that the exposed rock formations around the conference center are actually abandoned mineshafts, and he was really worried about ending up at the bottom of one of them before the end of this event.
Then, I saw the real source of his anxiety. Over his shoulder, I catch a glimpse of none other than Vladimir Putin, chillin' like the quintessential villain. He mills around, shaking hands with people, speaking limited but courteous English, and then wanders off to get a drink & sit on a couch. I looked around, wondered where his goons were, and figured they were hanging back but still keeping an eye on things. Now, I understood why John Oliver was freaking out. He was in the same room as Putin and was super excited about it, except for the unshakable belief that we were all gonna die. Not right then & there, but someday, somehow, when we least expected it. I told him to take a deep breath, and brought over some cake. spaghetti evening gowns
Meanwhile, because I could not resist, I went over to where Putin was seated, politely introduced myself and asked if I could sit down. We proceeded to have a very "civilized" conversation about similarities & differences between Russian & American cultures. And because I am a little shit sometimez, I asked "So what do you think the real priorities are for Russian people? Here, we'd say family, our loved ones, our health, security, and success. Most people would agree, no matter what country they came from, don't you think?" And he nodded politely, adding "Yes, a country must be strong, and those priorities build strength."
"But how do we *find out* what people think is really important? Through studies? Statistics & surveys? Speaking to them directly? Or maybe, we just listen... What are your views on the US Patriot Act, for example? Specifically, warrantless wiretapping?"
He gave some sort of diplomatic answer that boiled down to "lolz, I don't have time for this shit," excused himself, and left. I went back over to John Oliver, who was seated at a small table with a white-knuckle grip, and just Looked at him.
"You have MASSIVE balls," he said, looking somewhat bewildered.
I started laughing so hard, I woke up.
I never remember my dreams, like 99% of the time. This was probably the most awesome dream I've ever had, aside from the one where Jesus was using the CIA to wage war against liberal queerdoz & I was running along rocks on this beach somewhere, trying to get away from a helicopter that was firing at me. I threw a really big rock into the rotors & made it crash into the ocean, and the explosion was every bit az awesome az one could hope for. I remember eating pizza in the dream while watching it.
The human mind iz truly a strange & wonderful place.